Here comes goodbye
by SimplyCuteBambi
Summary: Sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes...no matter what anyone says or does...losing someone you love....there's nothing ok with that....the hardest goodbye is the last one....Bedward!


**An: ****I should probably be working on the latest chapter for Leave me in the dark but I needed a hsm break so I decided to write about something else equally dear to me and that is Twilight. This is dedicated to one of my best friends May (tearswillfall on fanfic) and it's in honor of our 3 month anniversary. Hope you like it!**

**Just for the heads up, Edward and the Cullen's are not vampires in this story, their just normal every day people! **

**Disclaimer: ****I can't own something as incredible as twilight….stuff like that just doesn't happen in the real world.**

**Edward's pov**

I didn't believe in Fate or coincidence. I believed that everything happened for a reason, that every one's life on earth was planned from A to Z and that even our choices would not change that path we were meant to be on.

To go even deeper into my thesis, I believe we are all in fact small beings in one very big universe. Call me spiritual or religious or what you will but that was what I believed...

My head whipped to the side as I heard the familiar sound of a truck. I ran to the window and pushed the curtain aside, seeing the faint outline of a red track. I frowned as I noticed how slowly she was driving compared to every other day. I leaned against the window eager to catch a snippet of what she listening to.

_**I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road  
And it's not like her to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio**_

The truck sputtered and groaned like a wounded animal as it came to a stop in front of my house. She laid her head against the steering wheel and I frowned, she seemed to be struggling with something. I didn't understand why she didn't rush up the stairs like she usually did. I turned as I heard a soft sob coming from my bedroom. Curious I followed the noise as I found my bedroom door slightly ajar. I peeked in and saw Alice all in black and sitting on my bed. She clutched one of my t-shirts to her chest as the tears trailed down her cheeks. Next to her was Jasper his eyes swollen and his expression extremely grim. "Guys what's with the sob fest?" I asked as I stepped inside. Alice buried her face in Jasper's chest as he traced circles on her back.

"Al what's wrong?" I asked softly as I sat down beside Alice on the bed. Alice didn't reply as she pulled back from Jasper and stared ahead, a vacant expression on her face.

My eyes trailed to where she was looking until I heard footsteps outside.

_**Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell  
She usually comes right in,**_

Alice seemed to snap out of her trance and I noticed that she took Jasper's hand in hers, her grip seemed forcibly tight, her hand was shaking. He gave her a tight comforting squeeze before standing up and gently guiding her outside. I watched all this with confusion. What is going on? I thought as I followed them.

They opened the front door and my heart leapt at the sight of Bella. Maybe she could tell me what was going on. I ran to the door but froze in my tracks when I took in her appearance.

She was dressed in black from head to toe and her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Stress lines and lack of sleep was evident on her face as was the fact that she had been crying...and from the looks of it, hadn't stopped crying actually!

She gave Jasper and Alice a thin smile before softly entering and shutting the door behind her. I watched, bewildered as she dipped her head and kept her gaze on her black shoes, hardly daring to look up.

"How you holding up Al?" She asked quietly as reached out to give Alice's hand a squeeze.

"Holding up with what?" I asked, now completely and utterly puzzled. No one looked at me, no one answered me and I didn't know why. Maybe they were too upset to answer me but at the same time I didn't know why they _were_ upset.

"Not so good." Alice admitted quietly as she hid her face in Jasper's side.

"Jasper?" Bella inquired her brown eyes rising to meet his.

"I'll deal with it," He assured her. "What about you Bella….How are _you_ holding up?" He asked really taking in her somewhat exhausted appearance.

Bella shrugged and bit her lip trying to hold back the tears. She swallowed thickly, "I still think this is some kind of twisted joke…..that he…..that _Edward_ will come walking through the door." She admitted painfully as she turned her head away, trying to hide the tears that were already falling.

"What do you mean walk through the door?" I asked confused as I stood in front of Bella. She didn't seem to see me as she turned around to face Alice. It was almost as if she were looking right through me, "I'm right here." I yelled hoping maybe someone would notice me.

"Edward." I heard a voice whisper from behind me and I turned around glad that someone could explain what was going on. My eyes widened in shock as I saw Esme and Carlisle standing over what appeared to be a coffin. What was going on? I swallowed the lump in my throat as I hesitantly approached them. Every step I took felt like my heart was beating faster and faster, like an erratic crescendo until finally it felt like my chest was about to explode. Esme and Carlisle were both dressed in black and Esme had tears rolling down her cheeks. She made no effort to wipe them away! Carlisle looked like he was doing his absolute best to stay strong for her.

I gulped anxiously and peeked over their shoulder.

_**now I can tell**_

My eyes grew wide as they stared at what lay in the coffin. I couldn't be seeing this! I couldn't believe what my eyes were telling me...I just couldn't! This defied all logic and sense and yet there it was!

I was staring down at my own body. My own very lifeless body...no longer living but merely there. Dead. Dead. Dead. That very word struck at me into the core of my soul.

My brown hair was messy like it always was but my eyes were shut closed. Peaceful. If I wasn't staring down at myself right now I'd think I was sleeping.

The reality of the situation hit me with such force I gasped and stumbled backwards landing on the floor somehow as I watched most of the people I ever cared about cry over me.

I slowly stood up as I saw Rosalie and Emmett make their way to the coffin. Emmett looked absolutely devastated. His usually teasing smile and light eyes were gone. With them came a sort of hardness and unbearable sadness.

Even Rosalie looked shook up. She kept staring at me as if she expected me to jump and laugh and say 'gotcha!'

Tears started to trail down Rosalie cheeks and they fell onto me or rather my body. Emmett wrapped his arm her shoulder and squeezed it gently as he pulled her away.

They all sat on chairs surrounding the coffin. Everyone was crying except Bella whose face was blank, unreadable...almost as dead as I was. My dear sweet Bella. My heart ached as I longed to comfort her.

I came and stood beside her and gently laid my hand atop hers but she didn't stir or move. Even her once expressive brown orbs were dead. She was gazing emptily ahead.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and landed on my hand. How I wished I could stop her tears somehow.

"Why?" She mumbled, her voice sounded strange, it was burning with agony as if she was really talking to me. My face twisted in pain as I looked away wishing I could answer that question but knowing I very well couldn't.

Bella suddenly stood up so abruptly she knocked the chair over. I moved with her and matched her pace as she came to a hasty stop in front of my body.

She gazed down and her eyes glazed over with both sorrow and rage. "Why did you leave me?" She asked as the tears slid down her cheeks. I felt my own eyes tear up as I realized I could feel her tears.

"You said you'd always be here." She whispered as she touched my hand. I stared down at my hand realizing, in astonishment, that I could feel the pressure.

Her head dropped suddenly as if she was unable to look at me. Her shoulders hunched as a loud, unbearable sob escaped her mouth.

I turned away, unable to bare the sight as I clenched my fists together and bit down hard on my lips to keep my own despairing whimper buried deep inside my chest.

_**Here comes goodbye  
Here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry**_

"But guess what, 'she whispered shaking her head, "you're not here. You left me all on my own. You left me when I needed you." She whispered brokenly as I turned around to face her. She lay there on the floor with my family around her trying to get her to calm down. Alice let go of Jasper's hand and she slid down to the floor with Bella and wrapped her arms around her.

Bella's posture remained stoic for a few moments, her face contorted in complete horror before she sighed and relaxed as she wrapped her arms around Alice. They rocked back and forth both crying so hard it felt as though my heart might break from the torment of it all. Rosalie Emmet Carlisle and Esme just watched, unable to do anything to help.

I knelt down beside Bella as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I touched her cheek knowing she _couldn't _feel but still hoping she could anyway. Her brown eyes snapped open and she turned to where I stood. Her eyes focused until I could see the anguish buried deep within them but still right there on the surface.

_**Here comes the pain  
Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight  
But here comes goodbye**_

I got up, my legs feeling numb as I went outside deciding I needed some fresh air. My head was spinning, my heart was clenching, my soul was lingering. If I was dead then what was I doing here? Why was my soul still attached to earth?

I kicked the dirt in frustration as I stuffed my hands in my pockets and blew my hair out of my face. I glanced back and saw Bella come out of the house.

She walked towards me but of course didn't know that I was standing here. She stared at the swing we had in our backyard and a ghost of a smile passed over her face. I remember how we used to love that swing.

She cautiously walked over and sat down grimacing as the swing squeaked. She dug her feet the sand and closed her eyes allowing the wind to caress her face.

I took a seat beside her and stroked her cheek softly knowing she couldn't feel it but feeling like I had to all the same. I wondered if she was thinking about the same memory I was.

"_Bella can I tell you something?" I asked scratching the back of my neck which was a nervous habit I had developed._

"_Of course you can…..you can tell me anything Edward you know that" Bella said softly as she stopped swinging coming to a full stop beside me. She turned her face so it was just centimeters from my own._

" _I've tried to fight but I just can't anymore…..I'm through pretending that my feelings for you are strictly platonic" I confessed " I love you and I'll always love you until I die and if there's life after that then well I'll still love you then" _ _I breathed as I analyzed her face trying to figure out what she felt._

_Before I knew it I was knocked to the ground as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me burying their face into my chest. I felt her smile into my shirt " I love you too….." She said softly as I grinned bringing my hand up to play with her hair._

_**I can hear her say "I love you" like it was yesterday  
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way**_

__Bella's eyes snapped open as she saw Alice approach her. The usual bounce in her stop gone. "It's time" Alice said gravely as she gave Bella her hand.

Bella took a deep shaky breath and placed her hands into Alice's. Their fingers intertwined as they went back inside.

Everyone was waiting for them as they followed my body to what I assumed would be my resting place. I followed dejectedly wondering why God was subjecting me to this awful torture. It was bad enough that I wasn't here but now I had to watch knowing that I am powerless to stop it.

Bella put her veil down and followed at the end of the line her head hung low and her fingers clasped together. I always thought that the day I'd see Bella at the end of the line would be our wedding day.

_**One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side  
And violins would play Here Comes The Bride**_

I looked away as they lay my body to rest in the ground. I listened with detached interest as the priest give a eulogy about how I was up there with God and that I was in a better place.

I wish I was. Anything is better than watching this torture. "Edward" I heard a name call softly as I felt a presence beside me. My head slowly turned as I saw my mother my real mother standing in front of me.

"Mom?" I asked uncertainly as I stared at her my mouth wide open. "Yes Edward it's me" She confessed softly as she moved to stand beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused. She wasn't a trapped soul like me. She couldn't be.

"I'm here to help you move on" She said tenderly as she placed a hand on my shoulder. "What if I don't want to leave?" I whispered afraid of the answer.

She sighed deeply as if expecting this answer "You can stay if you want but how would that help?" She asked wisely.

I looked down at my feet unable to meet her gaze. I sighed as I looked at up Bella's face inconsolable face " I could be here for Bella" I found myself saying "And my parents and Alice and Jasper and Emmett even Rosalie" I said looking to my mother.

She smiled sadly "But you aren't really here Edward…..although your presence is felt by them…..it'll only keep them from moving on" She explained as her eyes shifted from me to Bella.

I followed her gaze and swallowed "It's not fair" I whispered dejectedly. " I know sweetie I know" I heard her say.

_**But here comes goodbye  
Here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry**_

I felt the first drop of rain hit my face and I looked up startled. Everyone seemed too forlorn to notice the rain though.

"Sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes" I finally admitted feeling the pain in my chest rip itself open wider. I swallowed and took a deep shaky breath as I walked towards my family.

_**Here comes the pain  
Here comes me wishing things had never changed**_

I smiled softly at the sight of all the love and support I felt radiating from them. My eyes landed on them one by one until finally they rested on Bella. She stood there alone in the middle her eyes never leaving the ground. She looked so alone but strong. Just like when I first saw her. I wrapped my arms around her one last time knowing it wouldn't matter as I inhaled in her freesia scent.

_**And she was right here in my arms tonight  
But here comes goodbye**_

"We'll never forget you Edward" Esme stated softly as she hiccupped and gave everyone a teary smile. "You'll always be with us" She added.

" My son I'm so proud of you I'm sorry I didn't say it enough times" Carlisle whispered as he held on to Esme. He wiped away a tear with the back of his hand.

" I wish I could've been like you Edward so brave and selfless and always giving" Jasper spoke as the tears ran down his cheeks. But he didn't wipe them away. He wasn't ashamed to cry anymore.

"You're the best"Alice hiccupped as she cried " big brother a person could ever ask for" She broke down as she buried her face in Jasper's arms.

" Life without you Edward just isn't going to be the same anymore" Emmett said gravely as he rubbed Rosalie's back unshed tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry we never got to be friends" Rosalie said softly grief lacing her voice.

" Bella we'll be back at the house" Esme told her softly as they all walked away with their partners leaving Bella alone.

_**Why's it have to go from good to gone?  
Before the lights turn on  
Yeah, and you're left alone  
Oh! But here comes goodbye! Oh!**_

" I guess this it" Bella breathed as she shoved her hands in her pockets. " I've heard a lot of stuff the past few days about how life goes on…."She spoke as she wiped away a tear " How we should be grateful for the time we had with you…"she trailed off as she sucked in a huge gulp of air " I'm a better person because of you….the truth is…..no matter what anyone says or does….its horrible" She admitted crying freely now as she fell to her knees. "Not having you with me is awful " She whispered brokenly through her tears. I felt the sob break through my chest and I gasped at its intensity as I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. The hole in my chest seemed to burn with a fire that was unbearable.

_**Here comes goodbye  
Here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry**_

"Not waking up to your beautiful smile sucks….I can't even picture my life without you in it…..there's nothing ok with that…..it just…." She lifted her head from her hands and stared at the inscription "It just sucks" She finally said. I finally found enough strength in me to stop crying as I heaved myself up and walked over to her.

I knelt down beside her and kissed her forehead hating how much this was killing me. I wiped away the remaining tear as I walked back to my mum looking over my shoulder the entire process willing myself to be strong one last time.

_**Here comes the pain  
Here comes me wishing things had never changed**_

"Are you ready?" She asked giving me her hand. I looked at uncertainly as I glanced back at Bella's hunched form.

_**And she was right here in my arms tonight  
But here comes goodbye, ooh**_

"What's it like?" I asked as I slipped my hand into her own. She smiled softly at me "There's no more goodbyes" She said simply.


End file.
